Want to Fight?

It's interesting what transition will bring up.

As I am still in a state of flux, I have to constantly wrestle the thoughts and lies in my head about this place.
About myself.

My desire is to know and be secure in the knowledge that I am loved, constantly thought of and prayed for. I love it when I receive random letters, postcards, texts, emails, Facebook wall posts, anything that affirms my longing. To be seen, loved, thought of...fought for.

During dramatic change, I revert to one consistent way of protecting myself...cutting myself off from people I love. Yes, it's not very effective, but I have realized that in my own way, it's how I allow people to prove how much they love me. If they do, they're willing to pester me about calling, not calling, or writing back...

The hilarious thing? I can't stand it when others do it to me. I can't stand being left in silence. I don't know what's running through your head, what are you thinking? Are we okay? Do you need space? You can tell me if you need space.

Silence puts me in a place of insecurity, vulnerability. I instantly wonder what I did I do wrong? how can I fix it? how do I help you?
And as I sit and write these words, I wish that you were wondering the same when I push you away. That you would wonder, ask and fight. That you would push through my stupid barrier of space I create so it doesn't hurt as much because I am now far away. Because I am scared that our relationship will change.

I've felt this most consistently this summer with one friend. I have felt abandoned, in a way. Especially since this friend has grown to be one of the people I lean on, one of the people I anticipated being around during this transition. The time when I am questioning everything. This friendship is the last thing I want to question.
And so the question I'd like to ask is,

do you want to fight? 

do you want to fight to keep our friendship although we are not living in the same city anymore?