Last Coins

I often wonder about the story in the twelfth chapter of the Gospel of Jesus according to Mark. I wonder about the widow's decision to drop all she had in the temple treasury.

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything -- all she had to live on."

 I continue to wonder if she had to muster up courage to drop her coins, or if it was a reflex for her. I wonder if it was a discipline to give what she had to be used by God and his people.

I began to ponder this more and more as I was walking on the Fulton Mall, and asked for bus fare. I could see the fear and anxiety in his eyes, wanting to get home and out of this unfamiliar place, Downtown. I didn't think about it, but opened my wallet and gave what I had.

And yet, as I sat in the library, I began to think about my financial standing. I thought about how little I actually have, and how I could have used what I just gave away. What if I needed that?

I began to wonder if what were some of my last coins should have been given away. Did the widow ever second-guess what she'd done? Did she ever push back on her initial faith of God's provision for her? Did she worry about how she would eat...survive?

That's the thing: Jesus calls his disciples to see this woman, to recognize her tangible display of faith.  I don't think the story ends there. It seems too simple an ending if the story ended there, and the Word always engages the condition of the heart.

The condition of my heart, as I gave, was one of service to the young man who was in need. However, as doubt set in, I had no choice but to stand firm, choosing to believe God would provide for me in the next week. My faith had to grow, be stretched... I was challenged out of what I'd already done.