The past week has been incredibly good and incredibly difficult.

I say that my life has been incredibly good because I'm finally learning my place here. I'm taking risk as I enter into community, as I destroy the walls I've built around my heart brick by brick... 

as I allow myself to receive the joy, blessing, calling and love that brought me to this place.

It's been worth it.

I won't lie to you; it's been the scariest (almost) six months of my life.

I'm giving people a chance that I would never have thought I would.

I'm letting myself love people deeper than I ever have.

And I'm realizing as I do it, that this is what that calling 18 months ago was about:

calling me into full life and complete joy.

Life's also been difficult.

What does it look like to be intentional here?

What does it mean to be a deliverer of the Gospel?

What does it mean to live an authentic life when I feel like I barely have time to catch my breath?

What does it look like to rest so that I feel truly refreshed?

What does community look like here? (And why does it have to be so hard?)

It's difficult because I was comfortable where I was:

I could walk everywhere, it was near the ocean, my non-blood family was near, people understood my necessity of hugs, holding hands, and visiting at crazy hours.

It's hard to be far away.

To hear your loneliness, your hopelessness, your fears and feel like I can do nothing but share some words.

(And hope to God that you understand that my heart goes with them.)

It's hard to not sit beside you and let you know that I'm listening,

that I love you.

It's hard to trust God when I'm so far away from you.

So I'm learning what it means to live a full life of joy and calling and place

as I learn what community looks like long distance.

And what it means to trust God with you,

because that is all I can do.